Now you can scratch "Get to second base" off that list of New Year's resolutions!

Christmas can mean different and disturbing things to different people, and no one should tell you how to creepily express your excitement for this most wonderful time of the year. Still, before you unveil your display, maybe just take a moment to look at it from all angles and see if it might be open to misinterpretation by passersby with impressionable children. Or try running your decoration idea past a few friends or a licensed psychoanalyst. It never hurts to get some constructive criticism or a desperately needed prescription for psychotropic medication.



For people who don't like saying "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays."


Santa only comes once a year and, judging from her dead-eyed stare, Mrs. Claus never has.


Modeled after a scene from the 1962 Rankin/Bass classic, Rudolph's Shiny New Hemorrhoid Donut.


For when having a disturbingly swollen-looking pair of testicles hanging from your pickup truck isn't enough.


Turns out the "Hundred-Acre Wood" is actually a drag club in South Beach.


Just keep them the f**k away from your neighbor's Hanukkah party.


That's right, Timmy. Come over here and tell Santa what you want for Christmas, then poop down his throat. 


Sorry, Sam, I know you asked for a "new bike" but instead I got you "nightmares forever."

Sources: FailBlog | HuffPost Comedy | Oddee | Blame It On The Voices | Dog Beds and More | Smosh