"Nowadays everyone has to look like a french fry to get laid!"

The gym can be an intimidating place, what with all the grunting, weight dropping, and people who actually have the discipline to follow through on their commitments to get in shape. That said, not everything you see at your local health club will make you feel inadequate as a human being. In fact, certain strange sightings can make you feel downright superior. Here are some examples of enjoyable ridiculousness to serve as your incentive to get back in the gym if for no other reason than to laugh at others.


Be afraid, America. Be very afraid.

It was a simpler time, when having a he-man's balls in your face caused nary a giggle.

Yeah, sounds like a typical day at the gym for hot ladies.

"Endure" is the perfect motto for this guy and everyone around him at that moment.

"The key is repeat business - make sure your customers are never all the way fit."

"What's great is I don't even have to change before D&D with the guys!"

Two injured as grandmother crushes child, breaks hip.

Even if the imagery is intentional, wouldn't that be distracting during a workout?

Yoga is about being in touch with the whole body — of other people.

Stilettos help work the calf muscles. Wind resistance boosts the calorie burn. Or something.

Every dead grandpa who ever complained about baggy pants just got their wings.


Watch the lines on the floor under her crotch. She was great in Dodgeball, though!

Why would you lose weight if you already have that beautiful leopard-print tent to wear?

#147 on the list of Things You Will Never Ever Be Able To Do.

Please say this isn't real, please say this isn't real, please say this isn't real. Crap. It's real.

In case you ever wondered what a methed-out dolphin doing sit-ups looks like.

Looks like someone's in the middle of a getting-ready-for-a-date montage.

It's like Craigslist Casual Enouters, in sign form.

Daily planner: 2:15pm - Lift weights. 2:16pm - Accidental Nap.

What if the aliens are on a diet? Did you think about that? No. You didn't.

Versus "Sit here and just watch the TV mode."

The money the school saved on heating oil let them keep the tuba choir running this year.

This is the last thing the fatties read before the aliens ate them.

In fairness, the gym is in Canada where they probably measure time like this.

The key to staying fit is shocking the muscles.
Unplanned injuries are a GREAT way to do that.

Sex is the only rational reason for people to get in shape so this makes perfect sense.

"No pain, no gain." This lady gets it.

One day you'll be this old.
Let's hope that when you are you get a chance to stab another old person with a sword.


Bro, your elbows are looking HUGE. Have you been working out?

Look, no one can be expected to walk up twelve steps AND work out in the same day.

In fairness, carrying the chair to the treadmill counts as exercise.

Dropping 150 lbs. on a baby would be forgiven in time, but the jorts? Sorry dude.

Finally, a set of gym rules that appeals to our laziness.

This is a GREAT deal if you happen to own a share in this gym's profits.

As they say: "Dance on a treadmill like no one is watching. And videotaping."

Ohhhh, so "SPOT ME!" means "dangle your balls on my chest erotically as I lift weights."

When will we rise above all this gym equipment-based misogyny?

No, dummy, you're supposed to crap in the sauna AFTER you workout.

If you want to look important talking on a cell phone at the gym, make sure it's not a StarTac.

The "Downward Facing Bro."

What are you, a Beverly Hills housewife? This is what you deserve for doing pilates.

It's like doing a Daily Jumble in the New York Times.

In her younger days, Grandma modeled for gym wall silhouettes.

Ours only works in European "outlets." (Get it? Just kidding, ours doesn't work at all.)

The world's sluttiest plumber?

Growing cyber crops never takes a vacation.

Welcome to Sisyphean Health & Fitness.


Smart-ass responses to well-meaning signs >>