Springtime Things

I love spring.

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Feeling so #grateful my backyard roses are in bloom, and so #grateful you want to read about them for some reason.
Feeling so #grateful my backyard roses are in bloom, and so #grateful you want to read about them for some reason.

I love waking up, doing a few sun salutations on the porch, and then sipping on a cool iced coffee made in my Chemex (can’t live without Intelligencia’s cold-brewed fair-trade Ethiopian coffee beans right now—they taste like strawberries!). And I love the smell of fresh cut grass when I take a barefoot walk in my yard in my homemade kaftan (such a necessity as the weather gets warm).

But most of all, I love spring because my readers love spring, and since I made the mistake of getting myself into the situation where most of my barely-above-poverty-line income comes from the incredibly inconsistent method of running a lifestyle blog, I am stuck on a constant treadmill of loving whatever my readers love. And what my readers apparently love is reading about yuppie springtime adventures from a woman who works very hard to perpetuate the lie that she actually spends most of her time sharing inspirational quotes, eating raw kelp, and meeting up with stylish friends to drink “antidepressant tea,” which is so not a real thing.

So hurray for spring!

Springtime Decorating

When it came time to give my little bungalow a new motif for spring, I decided to go with “bowls.” Why? There’s a beauty in their simplicity, and the circles echo the circle of life and spring’s rebirth. Also, another blog did a post about bowls that did unexpectedly well, and I want those sweet sweet clicks so I earn enough ad revenue that I don't have to pawn my MacBook Pro, which all lifestyle bloggers are expected to have even though PCs are cheaper and work just fine.

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Don’t you just love bowls? Did you know they can also hold food??
Don’t you just love bowls? Did you know they can also hold food??

That picture above is the decorative bowls on my dining table. After this photo is taken, this room will not be this clean again until I redecorate again in three months, which I will only do so I can make a blog post about it. 

Also, loving this inspirational piece my friend an acquaintance someone named Rachel made:

Springtime Outfits

I’m really into basic dresses with belts right now, layered with a denim shirt. It’s a stellar way to give a hip edge to something feminine, and it’s also it’s a great way to mash together two items from my closet that you’ve seen 100 times before in other outfits, because for some reason you readers expect a woman who lives paycheck-to-paycheck running a lifestyle blog to have the same amount of wardrobe turnover as a Kardashian.

ModCloth dress, Theory shirt, Miz Mooz shoes, model’s own sincere worry that you’re going to find this outfit too pedestrian.
ModCloth dress, Theory shirt, Miz Mooz shoes, model’s own sincere worry that you’re going to find this outfit too pedestrian.
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Also, putting on this outfit to take this photo is the first time I’ve worn something other than pajamas in four days, but because of the “magic” of the Internet, you think it’s possible for a woman to just roll out of bed and look like this every day. In turn, that makes you, dear reader, feel inadequate and insecure in your own life. Sorry, but I need you to feel insecure in order to keep you coming back and learning my secrets. Lol!

Springtime Food

As you know, the slogan of this blog is “Easy ways to make your ordinary extraordinary, your extraordinary simple, and your simple gorgeous.” I still have no idea what that means, or how to achieve it. I bet you don’t either! :) That’s why I post photos of cupcakes regularly. I find that if you show people a really good picture of cupcakes, they get distracted enough that they don’t think too hard about what they’re reading.

I stress baked these at 4 am because I stayed up all night answering your comments. For people who are looking for inner peace, you sure say a lot of nasty shit online. ;)
I stress baked these at 4 am because I stayed up all night answering your comments. For people who are looking for inner peace, you sure say a lot of nasty shit online. ;)

I’ll be posting a recipe for these springtime cupcakes soon. Warning: in my efforts to go healthy, I overcorrected, so instead of doing sensible things like reducing the sugar and using whole wheat flour, I replaced all of the cake ingredients with black beans, and then frosted them with mashed bananas. These cupcakes are literally just black beans covered in mashed bananas, but I take a really good photo, so it doesn’t look like it.

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Like remember my Valentine's Day cake? It was just shredded beats layered with a kefir reduction. Totally foul.
Like remember my Valentine's Day cake? It was just shredded beats layered with a kefir reduction. Totally foul.

And OMG! I need to tell you that I am loving these cupcakes because they taste like the full-fat, full-sugar real thing. But you and I both know that’s not true, so we’re just going to live in this lie together, like two people in a plane full of black bean cakes that is about to crash into the ocean, but all we can do is talk about how great the in-flight magazine is.

Speaking of wrecks, here’s what my “beautiful” kitchen actually looks like when I’m cooking:

JK! I would never show you a messy kitchen because then this ruse would come crashing down.
JK! I would never show you a messy kitchen because then this ruse would come crashing down.

I am also really loving FulLyfeNow’s Activated PowerGreens PowderGREENS right at the moment. And by “really loving,” I mean that I tried it once and it turned my pee bright green and made all of my burps taste like raw acorns, but this is a sponsored mention so I have to say, "It’s great!"

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It's great!
It's great!

Springtime Coconut Oil

I mention coconut oil in, like, every fifth blog post because humans are so desperate for easy solutions that my readers believe coconut oil can fix anything. This month, try putting coconut oil on your armpits. Or try using it to bring someone back from the dead. It might work. This stuff really can do anything!

Springtime Reader Question

Julie Welch wrote in asking “How do you stay so positive?” It’s not always easy, Julie. :( Gratitude is a big part of it. But the bigger part is that any time I’m doing poorly, I lie and say I’m doing great. People read lifestyle blogs because they want a thin, perfect caricature of a human rather than a complex individual, because blog readers want to believe they can transcend their imperfections and become perfect too. But here's the real truth: the wolves of worry and merciless self-doubt never stop chasing you. No matter how perfect you make your life look online, all you can really do is learn how to live with the discomfort and recognize that real, non-blog life isn't about being happy all the time.

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So! Back to gratitude, I am so grateful that blogging allows me to lie about how I’m really doing, and I’m grateful that something in my readers drives them to believe this lie! :)

Springtime Goals

There’s a lot I’m excited for this spring, but right now I’m going to take a walk outside, because if I stare at the computer any longer, my eyes will shrivel and I will lose what little faith in humanity I still have. xoxo!

Readers, sound off: What’s your favorite thing about springtime? And what mask do you put on to hide the world from the complicated, messy meat sack that you really are?

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(Additional images from Shutterstock)