The semi-annual Apple Special Event, a two-hour long infomercial for the company's latest doohickeys, was streamed live on Wednesday. This year's event debuted the iPhone 7, making you feel bad about your janky-ass iPhone 6 by introducing new features you didn't even know you needed. While Steve Jobs and his turtleneck are greatly missed, CEO Tim Cook was a masterful Master of Ceremonies, riding up to the event singing with James Corden and Pharrell.

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Here are the seven things you need to know about how you're going to be spending your money this holiday season.

1. You'll have to choose between listening and charging.

After much speculation, Apple confirmed the rumor that they would be bidding farewell to the beloved earphone jack. The iPhone 7's fancy earphones now plug into the lightning charging port.

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