Pokémon Go, as it would, has already become a internetional sensation. The ensuing promise of cheats, short-cuts, and—ahem, hello internet parlance—hacks, essentially guaranteed that someone would attach their phone to a ceiling fan in an attempt to hatch what was likely a shitty Goldeen. From one now-maligned Reddit user, named PootieTang85:
The other 84 PootieTangs would be ashamed.
Pokemon Go's unique meld of real-life locations with the game concept (you can catch a Pinsir at a BLM protest, even if you can't catch a Pikachu in the middle of the highway), is easy to imagine as one of the most dangerous games since World of Warcraft supposedly killed a girl by being too addicting.
But here's the thing about "Gotta Catch 'Em All." You don't! You do not, actually, have to catch any at all. You could, instead:
-Read a book.
-Eat a sandwich.
-Read a sandwich.
-Eat a book.
-Watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
But if you do have a need, embedded in your DNA, to find a Charmander in your office kitchen, and you do need to accelerate the hatching process—please don't use a rubber band.