Disregard all the piles of dirty snow still laying around, friend, because this Sunday is Easter, which is the true, unofficial start to the spring.


But before you dive headfirst back into whatever bad habit you pretended to give up for Lent, shine up your church shoes, young person, because you are going to church! Yes, that's right, lapsed Catholic, this Sunday marks your annual return to the holiest of houses. Church on Easter Sunday is even more important than Midnight Mass, because this is the one where He might actually show up.

What's that? It's been an entire calendar year since you last spent an hour in a building full of strangers and neighbors celebrating the resurrection of Christ? Never fear, because I've got some handy tips to help you get through this sacred service.

1. Dress for the Job You Want (and Pretend That Job is Guy who Dresses Nice for Church)

There's two surefire ways to draw attention to yourself in church: being a bride in a wedding dress or wearing sweatpants and a ketchup-stained hoodie. The church opens its doors to all comers, but if you're not a regular church-goer, and you want to make a good impression despite not having a clue what to do, step up your fashion. You know how your aunt is always going on about wanting to set you up with that nice young guy or gal that she sees at church? Maybe let this be year that you give yourself the best chance of that miracle actually happening.