(The Ostrich - A head-covering to help you take naps in public places, like in the break room at work, or in court when you're waiting for a jury of your peers to return with their verdict.)
A lot has been said about how much Steve Jobs changed the world in which we lived, but not enough is being said about how screwed the human race is without him. To get a sense of his importance, we put together this collection of "inventions" to show just how bleak the landscape of innovation is about to become in his absence. After perusing this list you'll want to get a head-start on flinging your own feces at the walls, since that's clearly where we're headed. There is surely some young genius out there who will one day prove capable of filling Steve Jobs' shoes, but that person is definitely not remotely associated with any of these products. Gird yourself for the dark ages to come, and RIP Steve Jobs.
The Slobstopper - Because it's not socially acceptable to walk around wearing a plastic lobster bib. This product is going to sell very well, because we're about to devolve into a race of useless babies.