Does your sense of personal cleanliness always seem a little more "relaxed" than everyone else's? Did you ever buy socks and underwear to avoid doing laundry? Have you ever shown up to work to find your desk cordoned off by crime scene tape? It's possible you might be a garbage human. Take this quiz to find out.

[Clarifying paragraph (a "clarigraph"): When I say "garbage human," that is in no way meant as disrespect to actual sanitation workers, who are doing the very respectable (and odious) job of dealing with our trash. Nor am I referring to one's morality—this isn't about being "human garbage," it's just about physicality.]


1. How would you describe your "look"?

a. "Picture perfect."

b. "Employable human."

c. "Sewer sloth."

2. What's the longest you've gone without washing your hair?

a. Not more than a day (unless there was there was a specific reason you couldn't).

b. You manage to wash it at least every few days.

c. Sorry, what is this "shampoo" stuff?

3. Have you ever eaten food that's fallen on the floor?