"Son?" "Yes, m'lord?" (Thinkstock)

You're about to become a parent, which means that you have a critical choice to make. No, not what to name your child, where to send her to school, or whether to perpetuate the lie of Santa Claus. You need to chose what title you want to go by as a new father. This title will dictate the parameters of your relationship with your kid forever. You only get one shot, so choose wisely...



This is the industry standard. It's like calling tissues Kleenex. Dad is our cultural shorthand for the male parent. It's fine for most men, but are you most men? Statistically, probably. But just in case “dad" isn't edgy enough for you, read on!


This one works when your children are small but it rapidly takes on different connotations when those kiddos hit puberty. It's best to avoid "daddy" from the start so you can dodge the inevitable therapy bills that come when you have to explain to your teenage daughter that there are different types of "daddies" in the world.


Not every man can pull off “Pa" in this day and age. You need to either live in an actual little house on the prairie or have Nick Offerman-level woodsman cred. However, those who can pull it off should because being a Pa automatically infuses all of your stories with a folksy wisdom that virtually guarantees your children will listen to what you say.