The weather has gotten cooler and the leaves are starting to change color, which means it's time to tuck your scarf into your jacket, buy a pumpkin spice latte, and give a big ol' middle finger to anyone who sighs and says wistfully, "We should go apple picking!"

Advertising

Yes, it's time to admit that apple picking sucks balls.

First of all, it is always inconvenient to get there. No matter where you live in the country, apple picking is two hours away. Probably because if you actually live near an orchard, you won't have sentimentalized the process of harvesting fruit.

Then, after all that driving and build-up, the actual picking of the apples is extremely anticlimactic. Let's say the weather cooperates, and some friend or snake from the Garden of Eden manages to coerce you into going with them. It only take two seconds to yank an apple free from a branch; multiply that by 25 apples—more than any human could possibly need—and you're still done in under a minute.

Advertising