And Jesus said "In 2000 years, you won't believe how controversial the idea that I could have
endorsed a more inclusive view of women in my flock will be."

The religious and Internet worlds were rocked today by the announcement that a document known as "The Gospel of Jesus' Wife" is probably not a forgery. The fragment of papyrus only contains a few phrases, but they are bombshells. The first line, according to Dr. King's translation, reads "My mother gave me life." Further down, there is text in which Jesus seems to be addressing his followers: "And Jesus said to them, 'My wife...She will be able to be my disciple."


You can see why this is so important and why it's so hotly debated—those very few words impart very clear (although some would say too convenient) implications for how Jesus would have seen the roles of mothers and wives.  Here are a few more recently unearthed papyri from Egypt with other stunningly timely pieces of advice for how we should think about our relationships to different types of people: 

The gospel of Jesus' dumbass little brother: 


The gospel of Jesus' tax accountant: 


The gospel of Jesus' mother-in-law: 


The gospel of Jesus' early 20-something roommate: 


The gospel of Jesus' ex-girlfriend:


The gospel of Jesus' pot guy:


The gospel of Jesus' high school guidance counselor:


The gospel of Jesus' black friend Jake: