Hey you know that kid you who left a flaming bag of dog crap on your step last Halloween? He wants to tutor your kids. Just make sure your wife isn't in the house when he comes by because he's great with the ladies, which is another way of saying he's great with surreptitiously dropping Rohypnol into the beverages of the ladies. The sad thing is, your kids' teachers are so overburdened that this guy will probably come in handy for them. Also, he can most likely get you weed so, win-win?
[ Via Redditor titans3693]