- May your finals be as easy as you are
For your friend who gets hastily done on a desk.

You're exhausted, stressed out, jittery from all of the stimulants coursing through your veins—you need a study break! Below are some of the best ways to encourage your friends, discourage your "friends," and vent your frustration about the worst period of the best period of your life. Share them on Facebook and Twitter or avoid studying by making your own - Good luck on the final exams you're complaining about on Facebook instead of studying for.
Maybe switch it up and Instagram a stack of books you're not going to read. - Studying for finals is great training for a lifetime of working hard at something you don't care about
It's the American dream! - I'm confident you'll ace your finals since you have no social or sex life to distract you
For the person who only gets attention when people are trying to cheat off their exam. - This finals week, let's try not to accidentally learn what these horrible stimulants are doing to our bodies
Taking study drugs is a great way to stay focused on a long night of drinking. - Good luck studying information you'll never use in the job you won't have when you graduate.
Unless of course you majored in "Moving Back Home With Mom and Dad." - For a quick and relaxing study break, I suggest screwing me in the stacks
Sex is so much more thrilling when there's a risk of getting caught in an avalanche of books. - The corporate world will care less about your GPA than your mastery of social drunkenness
We have enough experience for a PhD in social drunkenness. - If you do well on your final exams I promise to pretend it'll matter at all for your future
You'll probably end up with a mind-numbingly depressing job no matter what. - I hope your mind-boggling six-figure tuition doesn't add more pressure to your performance on final exams
That six-figure debt is probably the only six-figure thing in your future.