Sometimes, you meet a person or a child with an unusual name and instantly wonder what they did to piss off their parents before they were even born. Such is the case with these odd names submitted anonymously by schoolteachers on Reddit, where they were more than happy to finally have a place to make fun of the oddly-named kids they have to educate every day. After all, it's not Peachtreana's fault that she was born with a destiny to be the state of Georgia's mascot.
1. That joke about Peachtreana wasn't a joke, as macrocosm93 reveals.
2. Do you want to raise a kid who grows up to build a death ray? Because if you give a kid the name GodofWitsandWine's student had, you're gonna get a kid who grows up to build a death ray.
Pennis. Pronounced like Dennis but with a P. Why would anyone do this to their child?
3. You can name your child after the Chosen One (be it Jesus, Anakin, or other), but as the child in Lord_of__the_Fries' wife's class shows, that doesn't mean they'll live up to their name.
My wife is a teacher and had to stop Neo from peeling glue off his hand. He aint the one.
4. What with pop culture and celebrities, we Americans somehow forget just how many ways there are to screw up naming your kid in this big wide world. Fortunately, LucasK336's grandmother preserved this Spanish/Argentinean tradition of messing it up.
My grandmother was a teacher in the "deep countryside" in Argentina back in the 50s. There is a hmm... tradition inherited from Spain I think, where you name your child with the name of the saint of the day he was born. Each day is the day of a saint, and they would sell these calendars with the name of a saint each day. So if your baby was born on the day of St. Rodrigo, you call him Rodrigo, for example.
The problem was that some of these calendars also had the national argentinian holydays marked. So July 9, May 25, etc, were marked as "Fiesta Cívica" (something like "Civic Celebration") instead of with the name of the saints. Basically she told me that she had children who were born one of these days, called literally "Civic Celebration".
5. STUMPOFWAR is not making this up. After all, how could they?
Poultry....no I'm not making that up.
6. Not a teacher, but susistu9 still has to come in contact with a daily stream of the American public.
Not a teacher, but I work at my county's welfare office. There's a family and these are all the kids' first names from oldest to youngest:
- Crowned Prince
- Prince Mowgli
- Princess Modica-Nordica
I wish I was kidding.
7. In case you were worried all these kids turn out weird, TheMadTherapist assures us that one adventuresome lad is doing just fine.
Interning in the counseling department at a high school. It's early Monday morning and I'm chugging coffee to perk up. They finish up mornings announcements and read off a list of students needing to go to the office for various reasons. The last name read was "Indiana Jones".
I immediately check the school student roster and there he is, Jones, Indiana. The kid was actually fairly well adjusted and well liked.
8. We're pretty sure these names submitted by Newtonswig come from a British university, a place where "Benedict Cumberbatch" isn't even blinked at.
I'm a teacher, but I didn't come across these names teaching. I was working as a steward in my students union (basically, you know at night clubs, when you're dancing on a chair and some scrawny guy in a polo shirt comes up to you and says in the deepest voice he can muster, "Can you get down from there mate?"- me right there) while at uni.
Anyway, I'm playing with the student search on the tills out the front, and I work out how to use the wildcard function. Like if you search "s?ith" all the people named smith come up. I did what any self respecting infantile MF would do and did all the swear words.
There was a Ding Dong. A Mrs Poo. I'll let it sink in that she married into that name.
Miss Fukunda Mbabwe.
And my two favourites, whom I will never forget:
Miss Bumtita Thongsari.
And, I don't know if you'll read this the way I did: Mr Wancalerm Siruphand.
9. Not technically a school, but overthelinemarkit0 did help one kid overcome his name to become cool despite it.
Worked at a Juvenile Treatment facility, had a kid sent to us middle name was "Ice Cold". Turned out to be a really good kid just terrible drug/gang infested fuck heads for parents.
10. This name from Back2Bach's classroom begs a simple question: "Why?"
Had a girl in class whose name was "Peonme."
The boys had many variations of her name.
(Staff members thought her parents meant to name her "Peony," after the flower, but got it wrong.)
11. DIGGYRULES has an important reminder: you can try to give your kids extra-dignified names, but it will still probably sound stupid.
I had a boy named "Mister" and there is a kid named "Sir" at my school. Those are pretty unusual.
12. Also not a school, but a place of work where you need to verify people's names, tekhnomancer has come across some winners.
I work at a call center, here are some winners of children I have seen (all teenagers or younger):
Wanna (middle name Smoke, dead serious)
13. Naming conventions, unlike everything else, are a lot more free in China, as someguysaid reveals.
I'm a TEFL teacher in China. The kids here have some fascinating names. Some are obviously just mistakes (Like Biran or Windy). Some are quite clever.
One girl about 15 said she wanted to be called KFC. When I asked her why she smiled and said "Because everybody likes KFC!"
Another very shy girl about 19 called herself shadow...which I thought was a lovely name.
Then there were the parents who had an extra child by accident and called her...extra. Seriously. There are also parents who name their child after an inanimate object like "telephone" or "train". "Tiger" is a popular name for boys too.
There's also a boy named monkey; "apple" is quite common, and many others like this. For some reason there's a fair few older girls 20+ named Queenie; these days the name seems to have fallen out of fashion. These are the names the parents or kids themselves have chosen, we teachers aren't trying to make fun of them.
Edit: Forgot to mention I work with a Chinese girl whose name is Tim.
14. None of these by themselves are that weird, unless you consider that one day, all these names pistachiopaul hates will unite against us.
I've always hated the Hayden/Haiden/Jayden/Jaiden/Jaylin/Jaelin/Braeden/Brayden names, but I lost my mind at Drayden.
15. And going out on a really dumb but kind of beautiful note, is a one-of-a-kind name encountered by bdubz while assisting a pediatrician.
Not a teacher but during med school, rotated with a pediatrician in Berkeley, Ca and came across a kid named Starshyt. When asked why that name parents said "you ever see a shooting star and behind it kinda looks like shit...?"