Specialty machine parts, bionic limbs, synthetic organs... yeah, yeah yeah. Where's my Saved By the Bell keychain?

Now you can finally hear your novelty vibrator buzzing.

When 3D printers were first introduced, nary a major news source could refrain from declaring us on the verge of Utopia. "New organs for everyone!" they cried. "The end of capitalism?" they wondered. "Please buy our papers! This industry is dying!" they subtexted. What they all failed to realize was that the people who would actually buy and use 3D printers were not Tony Stark, but rather the kind of people who point out plot holes in Iron Man movies. Here's how the human race has been using the culmination of four thousand years of technological progress:

A small toy version of a video game character. (via Sqiubler)

Subpar pizza. (via Serious Eats)

More video game guys. (via Buzzfeed)

A boat modeled after this woman's vagina. (via Kotaku)

An actual, real-life, working gun. (via Medium)

Really gross-looking hamburgers. (via CNN)

Every item from the original Zelda game. (via Buzzfeed)

Lots of little video game guys. (via Sqiubler)

Some kind of Buddha-Batman hybrid. Buddhman? Batddha? (via Wildevoodoo)

And, of course, a Hello Kitty sex toy. Because who doesn't want to be stimulated by a cartoon aimed at pre-pubescent children? Nobody. That's who. (via Buzzfeed)


Well, congratulations to us, humanity. We've proven that even the most promising new technology can be wielded to create more plastic crap. It's only a matter of time before someone prints a life-sized replica of the Pacific Garbage Patch.