If this doesn't make you daydream about running around the room with your arms outstretched while making explosion sounds, your inner child is dead.


This is how I secretly hope all patent applications look. (via PatentYogi)

"Nuh-uh," one 7-year-old will say to another in the not-so-distant future, "Jets are faster than helicopters."
"Oh yeah?" the other one will reply, knowing they've lured their dimwitted prey into an intellectual bear trap, "What about LASER-NUKE JETS??"
"Oooooohhhh," the assembled classmates watching the duel will say in awe. How could they have forgotten about laser nuke jets? Laser nuke jets are the coolest!

Of course, in this not-too-distant future, it will be hard to imagine that Boeing only filed the patent for laser nuke jets in 2015. How do they work? Well, it's frighteningly simple. Simple enough to explain using my keyboard.

You take a jet engine shell:

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Put a parabolic disc inside:

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Fire pellets of fusion-ready material like deuterium (hydrogen with 1 proton and 1 neutron) or tritium (hydrogen with, you guessed it, 1 proton and 2 neutrons) through a hole in the center of the disc.

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Focus lasers on the pellet until it heats up and fuses into helium, releasing hella energy (.

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The energy and high-speed particles bounce off the disc, creating unidirectional thrust.

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Repeat, like hundreds of times a minute.

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This is in many ways reminiscent (on a small scale) of the famous/infamous Project Orion spaceship design, proposed by Freeman Dyson (not to be confused with NASA's new Orion capsule.) That involved a spaceship with a giant disc on one end (with some versions calling for a spring between the disk and the main capsule). Hydrogen bombs would be dropped in front of the disc, propelling the spaceship forward. The design held great promise, except for the fact that astronauts would be turned to pink goo by the rapid acceleration. Hopefully, Boeing has worked out that tiny issue.

Sources: PatentYogi