So no messages, you guys. It's just a traditional Macbook Pro-for-a-life-of-lies-and-self-hatred kind of deal between a son and his monstrous parent. If this is real (probably not) and the kid who's getting the laptop is reading this, here's what you do: get your parents to spend $2200 for the Macbook Pro, then use it to record yourself engaging in the most mind-blowingly hot "homosexual acts" you can conceive, then give the Macbook Pro back to them with a note saying, "Sorry but I couldn't keep up my end of the deal, please press play," and they can watch you "choose" homosexuality in the unparalleled high-definition of that amazing Retina display.

Sources: BuzzFeed