The TSA's Instagram account contains all the best weapons people failed to bring on planes this year.
I'm most worried about juan_geezy, the guy who was cool with this before 9/11.
With about a year under its belt (which it has to remove before going through the scanners), the Instagram account of the Transportation Security Administration has earned some notice for being home to the Internet's greatest arsenal of the insane and often homemade weapons Americans thought they needed to defend themselves in the sky. As you might imagine from the elite corps of blue-shirted gropers who stand between you and a timely departure, it's really weird and often makes you feel less safe than if they weren't there at all.
As far as I can tell, most people follow the TSA on Instagram for gift ideas.
It is basically the wet dream of that weird kid in high school who watched The Matrix too many times, believed he was meant to live as a Viking, and (as Vikings do) ordered Japanese throwing stars off of the Internet.
I can't say "bomb" in an airport but these guys can ask "...but what about Amtrak?"
Like, a lot of throwing stars.
If you aren't ninja enough to hide ninja stars, you don't deserve ninja stars.
Did I mention the grenades?
Usually, the grenades are duds that people have collected. Usually.
Don't forget drugs! Because with all of these live explosives on your plane, you're really worried about whether someone is smuggling weed across state lines.
There are some days when being a drug-sniffing dog is pretty easy.
The TSA is always learning new things from its customers, like that you need to spell out the concept that spearguns are not OK to take on planes.
Explaining that this would mostly be useful if the plane went down in water will not help you.
On the other hand, there are still some great pictures of the only kind of TSA agents people are happy to let inspect their crotches: K-9 officers.
This is Clifford's brother, Clement the Normal-Sized Pink Dog.
The only thing they don't have on Instagram is the thing we really want to see: all of our naked pictures. Maybe if Scout Willis succeeds in changing Instagram's nudity policy, the TSA can become the social media giant they were always meant to be. In the meantime, we'll have to settle for bear mace.
In Newark? But New Jersey bears use this stuff as body spray and think it smells good.
So if you like amateur weaponry, gawking at idiots, and creative ways to end up on federal lists, follow the TSA on Instagram. It may come in handy when you're in a windowless room explaining that you only brought that cane sword to the airport so you could get on their page.
(by Johnny McNulty)