5. Carnival Cruise Lines's public relations team. It was supposed to be a four-day pleasure cruise. It turned into a weeklong nightmare for the 4,000 passengers onboard the Triumph. Today, their ship docked in Alabama, but we’re guessing the words “Carnival Cruise Lines” and “shit streaming down the walls” will be joined in the nation’s memory for quite some time. Frankly, we’re torn between our desire to never leave dry land again and the great deals we’ll undoubtedly be able to get on a Carnival cruise.

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4. The Pope. It can be so awkward around the office after you announce you’re quitting. And we’re sure the pope is just sick of all the cardinals dropping by his cube to tell him they’ll miss him and ask what he’s getting up to next. He’s too old and tired for this shit! Didn’t he make it clear that’s why he’s retiring in the first place? Do not irritate a man who has a direct line to God with your unceasing questions, people.

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