5. Amanda Bynes. In keeping with her career strategy of "If they're calling you crazy, at least they're still calling you," Bynes tweeted the above romantic missive at rapper Drake last night, just under the wire to celebrate Twitter's 7th birthday. While journalists commemorated the anniversary of Twitter's launch with high-minded think-pieces about how Twitter helps organize Egyptian uprisings and other noble endeavors (we can't think of anything else), Amanda Bynes swooped in to remind everyone that, despite the occasional overthrow of a regime, the site is a sewer and it always has been.
4. God. We've been blaming God for cold temperatures for weeks, and we're not suddenly letting him off the hook. Dammit, "spring" used to mean something around here. But now it's just an excuse for people to use air quotes before they gesture to the snow, hail, and freezing rain that apparently define the period after March 20. Call us naive, but we thought the gradual increase in sunlight culminating in the equinox meant we could finally stop wearing a dopey hat all the time. If you're so omnipotent, God, then turn up the dial on that giant space heater in the sky. Either that or we'll just keep doin' our global warming thang.