5. Pontius Pilate. Over 2,000 years later, this guy still sucks. He's the total bad guy principal in a John Hughes movie trying to bust the ass of the student he knows is cooler than him. And by the way, crucifixion as your method of execution? Way to make Texas look good by comparison. If you hadn't called for the death of Jesus, there wouldn't even be a Good Friday and we wouldn't have to feel guilty about the cheesesteak we ate an hour ago. 

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4. Kim Jong-un. Sigh. This again? It's a wee bit embarrassing for Mr. Jong-un that the reaction to his ominous threat of "We have aimed our rockets at the United States" was greeted with a response of "Where should we go for dinner tonight? I heard that new Indian place is good." Perhaps we would take him more seriously if he wasn't so much like a Mike Meyers character. Like one of the targets he put on his big, not-so-subtle map of the United States was Austin, Texas. The only strategic reason for blowing up Austin is if you want to prevent people from being able to access organic, whole grain tortillas at their local Whole Foods. It feels weird to say this, but please stop threatening to blow us up unless you actually, you know, can.

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