5 people who totally ruined this week for us.
5. Zach Braff. He officially pushed Kickstarter over the line from "good intentioned but occasionally abused way to achieve artistic funding" to "tool for peeking into the evil that lurks in the hearts of man." Over 25,000 backers! 25,000 people spent money to fund Zach Braff's effort to make a sequel to Garden State. That's like donating to a fund to make polio incurable again. This is a movie that's as famous for being a horrible celebration of dude self-love as for its use of a cliche'd plot device (Natalie Portman as the archetype 'manic pixie dreamgirl'). It even managed to launch The Shins while simultaneously making it embarrassing to like them. Those 25,000+ people don't want to see how the Garden State story continues. They just want to hurt the rest of us, and they're willing to pay to do it.
4. Everyone in Congress. On Sunday, furloughs of air-traffic controllers began, leading to frustrating flight delays that no one was happy about. Today, the Senate and House both passed a bill that will allow the FAA to end the furloughs. That's five days. Five days before Congress realized a problem was too big to let it continue. That means our elected officials are capable of swiftly, efficiently responding to a problem with a bipartisan solution. And that is so insanely aggravating in wake of their miserable failure to pass gun control legislation last week. 86 people die every day in the U.S. from gun shot wounds. 0 people die every day from flight delays. We're not saying flight delays aren't annoying, just that people dying from gun shots is even more inconvenient for those people.
3. The fools in charge of Delta Gamma sorority. You blew it! You should never have accepted her resignation. Before Rebecca Martinson sent that email, the stereotype of the girl Greek was Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde. After that email, Linda Hamilton in T2. In a handful of paragraphs she made Delta Gamma the sorority that is Not. To. Be. F**ked. With. You became the sorority that brings a knife to the pillow fight. Find her, tear up her resignation letter, and make her president (if she hasn't already been given some crappy drill sergeant-type reality show on Bravo that is).
2. Con Ed executives, who failed so spectacularly during Hurricane Sandy that they're being rewarded with massive bonuses. Don't get us wrong. We know that it's been a hard year for companies that exacerbate and then have to deal with the consequences of global warming. The fallout from Hurricane Sandy took a long time to fix, and Cuomo's investigation into Con Ed's decidedly imperfect response to it has got to sting. This is probably the year to keep your head down, keep churning out electricity (we do not understand science) and start preparing for the next natural disaster. It is not the year to give execs $600,000 in bonuses for "exemplary" sitting around and telling other people what to do. Try 2014, though. That might be it.
1. Ben Affleck. The Argo director has agreed to join the Live Below the Line challenge, in which people around the world live on $1.50 per day for 5 days in order to raise awareness about extreme poverty. The problem is, just buying food that costs $1.50 per day wherever you happen to live doesn't make any sense, since food in eastern Congo is priced a bit differently than food in Boston. And that $1.50 shouldn't really just go toward food, it should go toward everything: housing, entertainment, Oscar polishing, beard trimming, angry stare training. You're no George Clooney, Ben. Leave the bringing attention to global poverty to the professionals.