5. Critics who insist on not giving Pacific Rim unqualified rave reviews. Look, we need this thing! Iron Man 3 was eh. We couldn't even bring ourselves to see Man Of Steel. Before Midnight was the best movie of the year, but that's irrelevant. We want a good summer movie, and the one where giant robots beat up giant monsters is probably our best bet. You critics who insist on giving it mixed reviews are clearly just trying to hurt people by casting doubt on their hopes for happiness. Knock it off!
4. Ryan Gosling for making us feel like we have to give up pork if we want Ryan Gosling to like us. We tend to make decisions in our life according to a simple code: "If Ryan Gosling knew I did this, would he not want to be my best friend?" In light of his essay published yesterday on the inhumane treatment of pregnant mother pigs, we're pretty sure we have to either give up pork, or at the very least pay attention to where our pork is coming from. Unless we just want to give up the dream of one day sitting around on a porch with Ryan Gosling talking about how great motorcycles are when we're not both squinting enigmatically. It's a lot to mull over.