5. Those effers at the NSA for being about as bad as we thought. The Washington Post reported this week that the NSA broke its own (rather dubious) laws 2,776 times in 12 months. Most of the time the mistakes were simply human or computer error, but other times the NSA deliberately hid what they were doing or knowingly broke the law. Luckily for the NSA, I know exactly how they can make it up to us. NSA, please send your employees' email conversations, transcripts of phone conversations, private Facebook messages and Youtube videos of every stupid thing you've ever done to [email protected] We'll make them public in a post called "The NSA are a bunch of losers." Once your privacy has been systematically violated, we'll be even! —SRD


4. People who tricked us into fearing testicle-biting fish. Last week, Danish swimmers were warned to keep their bathing suits on or risk being bitten in the testicles by pacu fish, who might mistake male nuts for the regular nuts they eat. Balls everywhere involuntarily retracted. But now it turns out the whole testicle-biting fish thing was overblown, according to a fish expert at the University of Copenhagen. There was no reason to experience that visceral fear of ball chompitude. So go ahead and jump in the water while nude, fellas. Go on. I dare you. Go. —SRD