5. The assholes who raided a no-kill shelter and killed a helpless baby deer. No really. The adorable baby deer pictured above—whose name was effing "Giggles"—was just one day away from being placed in a wildlife sanctuary, but was briefly being held by a shelter. Without calling ahead or warning shelter employees they were coming, agents from the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources raided the shelter and killed the deer (they claimed it was a health hazard, but didn't actually, like test it for diseases first). What the hell kind of dystopian novel are we living in, you might very well ask yourself? Here is a simple guideline for making sure America doesn't devolve into a post-apocalyptic wasteland: don't recklessly kill baby deer. Ever. —SRD


4. Vladimir Putin, who is willing to grant asylum to American whistleblowers but not to Russian gays. I'm pretty much sick of this guy and his frequently bare chest. Apparently, what Russian gays need to do if they want to be respected and protected by Russia's President (at least for 12 months) is find a way to make themselves political pawns in the ongoing struggle for power between the United States and Russia. That strategy worked for Snowden. So Russian gays, your mission is clear: leak some classified information about the United States government. Shouldn't be too difficult as apparently the only things the government actually gets done are in secret. —SRD