5. The current terror roster of the club called Al Qaeda. August is supposed to be our dull, sleepy time, you guys. Everyone's bored, sweaty, and pissed that we used up all our vacation days on destination weddings. Thanks to you we have to be bored, sweaty, and plagued by the nagging sensation that death might be waiting for us the next time our train pulls through a tunnel. Just let us nap through our summer Fridays in peace. Make your terror threats in the fall when we're working hard again and might welcome a building evacuation or two.
4. This author of self-help books who murdered his wife and posted the photo on Facebook. Wish I could say that I'm shocked, but nope. Wouldn't even be surprised if the murderer asked his arresting officer how many likes he got before they shut down his account. This guy even wrote self-help books, including a book on marital communication. Writing self-help books was going to be my plan C (or D?) for making enough money to stay sheltered until I die. How are people supposed to put faith in me telling them how to visualize their most excellent expression of selfness if they have to worry I'm going to one day ask them to click like on my murder trial evidence? We can't all try to write Fifty Shades Of Grey ripoffs!