5 people having a worse Monday than you.
(via Getty/Double Vision Media)
5. Justin Bieber, because anyone can look EXACTLY LIKE HIM with only $100K worth of surgery. Toby Sheldon (R), a 33-year-old songwriter and a huge fan of Justin Bieber's (L) youthful look, has spent $100,000 to get plastic surgery to look exactly like him. And boy, has he ever succeeded. The resemblance is eerie, and it's not just because the thought of two Justin Biebers gives me the willies. I mean, first of all, they have the same haircut. And then, their eyebrows are also sort of similar. They both have eyes... Yes sir, it was worth every penny.
4. Gay marriage opponents in New Jersey. Governor Chris Christie withdrew an appeal to overturn a court's ruling in favor of gay marriage, and the state began recognizing gay marriages today. As the clock struck midnight, Newark Mayor Cory Booker conducted several marriages, and the rush to get legally wed has continued all day. But don't worry, homophobes (SORRY I MEAN PEOPLE WHO JUST HAVE IMPORTANT MORAL AND RELIGIOUS OBJECTIONS TO GAY MARRIAGE) have plenty of other states to live in. New Jersey is only the 14th state to recognize same-sex marriage.
3. The French, who discovered the NSA has been spying on them, too. Welcome to our nightmare, France. A new report has emerged that the NSA has been tapping into French phones on a massive scale; in all, 70 million digital communications were recorded. Naturally, France is very upset with their supposed ally (us), not least because it is, frankly, embarrassing how many times we caught them saying words like "patisserie" and "mon amie" and "joie de vivre" and giggling to themselves because French accents sound so silly.
(screengrab via Today)
2. Florida prison authorities, who apparently suck at their job. Charles Walker and Joseph Jenkins are both convicted killers serving life terms without possibility of parole. So, with the can-do attitude that made American great, they decided to create their own parole by forging release papers. And they got away with it. After being released, they even registered as felons with the local jail, which is required under Florida law, and no red flags were raised. Their escape may have gone unnoticed if not for the family of one of the victims contacting authorities. Authorities were like, oh shit our bad, and the felons were re-captured at a motel not far from the prison on Saturday.
1. Rihanna. How could poor Rihanna ever have known that there would be such a huge backlash when all she did was pose provocatively in front of the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi? It's not like she was intentionally being flippant toward a religion with a notorious emphasis on modesty so she would get kicked out of a mosque because people stopped talking about her for 30 whole seconds, and controversy sells albums, right? She must have woken up this morning and been deeply wounded by the comments on her Instagram account suggesting she stop being flagrantly disrespectful. Because she definitely wasn't hoping for this reaction. At all.
(by Shira Rachel Danan)