(via HBOGo.com)

5. People who are exhausted today from staying up all night waiting for HBO Go to come back. During the season finale of HBO's True Detective last night, HBO Go crashed. The masses immediately took to Twitter to complain, thus revealing to HBO exactly who does and who does not actually have HBO. Because let's be honest: most of us are pilfering the accounts of others. Even though the CEO of HBO has publicly stated it doesn't hurt business if people share their passwords, it can hurt us if we're unprepared for worst case scenarios like this one. I, for one, learned a valuable lesson about the dangers of stealing media.

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4. People who took public transit, the use of which is at an all-time high, this morning. In case you were wondering why your commute sucked this morning, it wasn't just that it was a Monday or that it was an hour earlier than usual. It was that there are more people riding trains and buses than ever before. The New York Times reported today that the use of public transit in this country is at its highest since 1956. Lest you think this is a positive development, reflecting less of a reliance on environmentally destructive cars, keep in mind that all those people have to be squished up against someone, and that person is you, my friend.

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