5. Binge Drinkers. Bottom of the mornin' to ye'. It's the day after Saint Patrick's Day, the quietest day of the year if you happen to work with a lot of alcoholics and/or people who still can't let go of their college years. They might wander into your cube to try to convince you—in whispered tones—that their "epic" barhopping was actually fun and not the worst night you could possibly imagine. But then they'll most likely retreat to their own cube, wait for the Advil to kick in, and hope no one really engages them because they're hungover enough to feel their own heartbeats in their brain stems today. In short, your most obnoxious coworkers are too sick to be obnoxious at their usual volume. Relish it.

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4. These escaped Canadian prisoners. After being plucked off the roof of their prison by accomplices who had hijacked a helicopter, two Canadian escapees probably had a brief moment where they thought they were the coolest dudes in the world (or at least Canada). But just like everything badass that happens in Canada, this story had a polite ending, and all were quickly captured. Just for the record, in the American version of this breakout, the helicopter would have exploded over the U.S. Capitol, and one of the inmates would have survived by landing on a Harley behind a woman in a leather bikini and driving off into the sunset. You'll get there, Canada. You'll get there.

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