5. Kanye, because Beyoncé got robbed yet again.
(screengrab via CBS)
Kanye takes it personally when albums that he really liked don't win Grammys. So today, after watching Beck rob Beyoncé of the Album of the Year award she deserved (according to Kanye logic), Kanye is probably feeling pretty outraged. At first it seemed like his little stage-rushing gimmick was just a joke. But an interview with E! after the show revealed Kanye was dead serious about his complaint. "You all know what it meant when 'Ye walks on the stage,'" he said. Well, we thought we did, anyway.
4. People who are gluten-free and lactose intolerant, because it's National Pizza Day.
It's the most important holiday of the year: National Pizza Day! Break out the wood-burning oven, because today is all about chewy crusts, crispy cheese, and juicy—oh I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were gluten-free. No, I'm sure quinoa crust is just as good. And yes, that shredded cauliflower totally resembles cheese, Mr. Lactose Intolerant (I don't know why your parents named you that). Oh god, please stop crying. Come on, it's National Pizza Day!
3. Charles Manson, cause it turns out his fiancee was planning to use his corpse to make money.
Poor Charles Manson. (I can't believe I just said that, either.) It turns out the old man's young fiancee was scamming him for all he's worth (his dead body). They just got their union approved not too long ago, and now the wedding has been called off. 80-year-old Manson found out his 27-year-old fiancee Afton Elaine Burton wanted to marry him for his corpse. She planned to display his body in a glass coffin after he died and then charge people to see it. Kind of romantic, but Manson isn't into that (he thinks he's going to live forever, anyway), so he broke things off. Which means somebody is single again, ladies!