5. A drunk driver who got arrested after running himself over with his car.

30-year-old North Dakota man Robert Alan Pullar managed to run himself over after getting so drunk behind the wheel that he fell out of his car. The vehicle continued moving forward and hit him. I think that's the definition of inertia, right? An object in motion stays in motion, an object intoxicated stays intoxicated. Pullar shook off the incident and put himself back in the driver's seat but police caught up with him and charged him with a DUI, driving with a suspended license, and refusal to submit to a chemical test. I feel like running yourself over with your car should be test enough.


4. A 12-year-old kid who faked his own kidnapping to get out of going to the dentist.

Dentists are so universally loathed, children are now committing felonies in order to avoid them. Last month, one kid in France decided filing a false report with the police was more desirable than having his gums stabbed with a metal spike when he told cops he had been abducted on his way to a sadist dentist appointment. The police investigated the abduction for an entire month before they questioned the kid once more and got him to admit he made it all up to avoid getting into the dentist's chair. Now he's in trouble with the law, and worst of all, that dentist has had all this time to daydream about all the violent stuff he's going to do to that poor kid's teeth.