5. Crack smoking (allegedly!) Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. Apparently, Canadians really are friendly to everybody, even crack dealers who covertly video record them smoking the crack they sold them. Gawker is presently trying to raise $200,000 to buy a video that reportedly shows Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack, calling it the Rob Ford Crackstarter. We knew nothing of Ford before last week because, well, Canada. Now we know he's apparently a corrupt, violent bigot, and the only reason we know that today is because Rob Ford smoked crack, something that makes the whole world pay attention. Remember, adults, don't do drugs if you're in public office (kids, do what you want).

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4. This kid. A couple weeks ago, Aftab Aslam was a kid who failed his college English class. This week, he's a kid who is charged with making a false report, false statements, and tampering with evidence, who still failed his college English class. Aslam faked his own kidnapping then camped out for a week in an undeveloped area of Georgia, all to avoid telling his parents about the failing grade. When it got too cold, he went home and fessed up. Congrats to Aslam's parents for making their kid so scared of getting a bad grade that he'd disappear into the woods to avoid their wrath. (HuffPo)

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