(via Wikipedia)

5. Anyone who cares about the real meaning of Cinco de Mayo. Happy Cinco de Mayo, everyone! This most-important Mexican holiday celebrates Mexican national independence from watery margaritas as well as the international human right to stuff your face with nachos! Many years ago, during the Battle of Puebla, the Mexican army defeated French forces by replacing all of their water with Corona in the middle of the night. The French couldn't tell the difference, so they accidentally got wasted, and everyone spent the night wearing sombreros and vomiting up chicken fajitas behind the bar. And that is why we still celebrate Cinco de Mayo today, at least according to most Americans celebrating the holiday. —SRD

 

4. Justin Bieber, if he cares what Seth Rogen thinks of him. There aren't many people in whose opinions Justin Bieber is probably interested. To be fair, the little bastard grew up on YouTube, which doesn't really give you respect for other people's comments. That being said, he's exactly the right age to have had Seth Rogen's movies be the movies of his formative years. Combined, they're probably one of Canada's most valuable exports to the United States. So hopefully when Rogen went on Howard Stern and unleashed an obscenity-laden tirade about how much he hates Bieber (and how pleasurable it is to hate him), the words penetrated the invincible douche-armor that has so far kept the "singer" oblivious to how sick of him everyone is. Then again, it was pretty great when the Biebs ran into Toronto Mayor Rob Ford at a nightclub and asked if he had any crack. —JMC