5. Anyone who likes being hot for James Franco but cannot get turned on by surfer dudes.

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You loved him for his good looks combined with his artistic impulses and unpredictability. Also he seemed pretty open sexually, and did you already mention his good looks? You did not love him because he looked like one of the douchier extras from Blue Crush. How much are you supposed to take from this guy? He can do soap operas and naked Seth Rogen paintings and sweaty bathroom selfies, but the surfer look? That's just one step too far. Luckily, he'll probably look completely different tomorrow when he shows up in some billboard ad for a local dentist or whatever his next goofball project will be.

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4. This guy who got stabbed in the head by a sky knife.

57-year-old Yunzhi Xiao was taking a stroll through his hometown of Guangyuan in China when he was attacked by a sky knife. Xiao said he felt a "very heavy weight" on his head, and continued walking in pain until a street vendor yelled at him, "There is a knife in your head!” Apparently, the knife had flown down 8 stories from a a balcony garden. Some people got him to a hospital where the knife was removed hours later. 

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3. Everyone who wanted that to be Idris Elba's dick.

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