Dialing 911 is for emergencies only, period. That’s why the number is so easy to remember—so you can recall it during a moment of distress. Unfortunately, that seems to be the only number people remember, because a lot of dum-dums out there think it’s perfectly fine to call 911 to report things that aren’t quite emergencies. Some actual 911 dispatchers took to Reddit to talk about the silliest calls they’ve ever fielded.

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1. User milkcustard gets to talk to all sorts of interesting people on the job, from entrepreneurs to foodies.

Guy calling to argue that his crystal meth is legal because he made it with store-brought products with his own hard-earned money.

Woman calling to complain that her McDonald's triple thick milkshake isn't thick.

2. Shadowjacksdad has the misfortune of working as a 911 operator in Crankypantsville.

"Basketball is too loud in the neighbor's driveway" "I lost my book in the bathroom" "Aliens have abducted my mailbox" "I saw a deer in my yard" "The neighbor has too many children" "My air conditioner is too loud" "There are drunk people at a bar" "I don't like what my wife made for dinner" "I'm afraid a parked car may roll up a hill and strike kids on bikes"

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