5. Lindsay Lohan - Lohan's much-hyped return to "acting" in last night's Liz & Dick was a huge success — if by "huge success" you mean "a hugely successful new drinking game for people who love unintentional comedy and alcohol poisoning." The movie was savaged by critics for its laughable performances, lazy set design, bizarre pacing, and plotholes so big Lindsay Lohan could accidentally back a car into them. It might (read: will) not win any Emmys, but it almost certainly broke the record for "most catty tweets made by wine-drunk gay dudes in two hours or less."

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4. Grover Norquist - As Congress careens toward the fiscal cliff like an older, nerdier Thelma and Louise in poorly tailored Men's Warehouse suits, more and more Republicans are threatening to abandon Norquist's notorious anti-tax pledge in the name of — gasp — bipartisanism. Lindsay Graham is the latest to jump ship, joining Peter King, Saxby Chambliss, John McCain, and a growing number of others. What happened to the old, bitterly divided Congress of yestermonth? Keep it up, guys, and you might even get that approval rating up into the double digits.

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Sources: Chase Mitchell