5. Pussy Riot - The all-girl Russian punk band that ran afoul of Vladimir Putin by performing a protest song in a church were sentenced to two years in prison over the weekend, which was terrible for them but fantastic for people who enjoy hearing newscasters say the words "Pussy Riot" with a straight face. It also gave American twentysomethings a chance to momentarily pretend to care about the Russian punk scene before we realized there were no bands called "Cock Looting" or "Anus Protest" and we completely lost interest.
4. Melky Cabrera - The Giants outfielder, recently busted for using a banned substance, has dug himself an even bigger hole by creating a fake website for the product in a misguided attempt to back up his claim that he didn't know it was against the rules. It's being called the most elaborate deception involving a professional athlete since Michael Jordan tricked himself into thinking he was a baseball player.