5. Racist Hollister models - You make think Hollister's business plan consists entirely of dressing 14-year-old douchebags like the villain in an '80s surfing movie, but they also deal in horrifying international bigotry. This picture is one of several incredibly offensive tweets from Hollister models who were in Seoul recently to open the clothing chain's first South Korean store. And yes, he does appear to be mocking an appalling Asian stereotype, but for all we know, he could just be trying to adjust his eyes in a dimly lit Hollister.
4. Homophobes - Bad news for Rick Santorum and the dwindling number of homophobes out there: A new report says that the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell had zero negative effects on the U.S. military, which is a far cry from the total collapse into limp-wristed mass surrender that Santorum so vocally feared. With increasing signs that the NFL is becoming more cool with homosexuality as well, it seems Santorum and company are running out of macho places to get their hetero on. Pretty soon it's just going to be him and Kirk Cameron at a NASCAR race trying desperately not to make eye contact with each other.
3. Tony Mack - In what's being called the most shameful thing to happen in New Jersey in at least 10 or 15 minutes, the embattled mayor of Trenton, N.J. — who is also known by the nicknames "Napoleon," "Little Guy," and "Honey Fitz" — has been arrested for corruption, which isn't surprising considering he has more aliases than a Sopranos character. Mack was caught on tape saying, among other things "I can be bought," and "I hate the poor." If his mayoral career is over, maybe he should consider running for the Republican presidential nomination.
2. This Golf Ball-Hating Psychopath - You'd think someone who buys a house overlooking a golf course would have a slightly higher tolerance for golf, but Jeff Fleming is apparently not a fan. After a man inadvertently shattered one of his windows with an errant shot, Fleming opted to handle the minor inconvenience with some decidedly non-errant gunfire. Luckily no one was seriously hurt, since Fleming's aim was off due to what appears to be a serious lack of eye drops.
1. Anyone Who Uses GoDaddy.com - An apparent attack by the hacker group Anonymous earlier today took down every site with a GoDaddy.com web address — including, uh, this one. Which basically means we're all paying the price for getting caught in the middle of a nerd war — and for choosing a domain registrar based on the endorsement of a mediocre female race car driver. Speaking of which, maybe the company should divert some of the funding it uses to pay Danica Patrick to almost take off her clothes into beefing up its online security.