'I ghosted my family and fiance after my sister tricked them all that I cheated.' MAJOR UPDATE

There are forms of betrayal that are too deep and cruel to even consider forgiving.

In a popular post on the True Off My Chest subreddit, a woman shared her saga of estrangement from her gullible family and fiance. She wrote:

"I ghosted my family and fiance after what my sister did."

I need a little advise on the matter as I don't know what to do anymore. I was 21 when my fiance asked me to marry him. He was the absolute light of my life. We had known each other since pre school, our families are very close. He would come and have dinner with us on a daily basis and vice versa. He doesn't have any siblings but I have 2 older sisters.

Which is very important as he was also very close with them. We grew up together. When we started dating, I don't think our parents stopped celebrating for weeks.

He helped me deal with a lot of my anxiety and even when I gained a little weight and my mother berated me saying he was going to leave me, he told her off and said he loved me for who I was, not for what I looked like, even though he claimed I was the most beautiful girl in the world to him. We were only engaged for 6 months before the incident.

My middle oldest sister, lets call her Nicky, was a very cold person, she never showed any affection, she only ever opened up to my fiance as she said she saw him as a brother and he also helped her through a lot of her dark times such as battling dr*g addictions and breaking the law. She and I never saw eye to eye, I loved her dearly because she was my sister but didn't like her as a person.

Out of the blue she tells me she wants to take me clubbing as we had never been together before and she felt bad that she was so distant to me. I agreed and that night we went out. Clubbing wasn't really my style but once I had a few drinks, I loosened up a little and began having fun. The night was going smoothly until Nicky spotted a guy across the room whom she claimed she wanted to "climb like a tree."

She walked over to him and within a few minutes she was back and she had a sour expression on her face. I asked her what was up but she never said anything. I kept pressing because I didn't want our night to be ruined, she then told me the guy didn't want her number but he wanted mine instead.

I told her he was a loser and there were plenty of guys around who would kill to be with a girl like her, she didn't budge though. She told me she needed to use the restroom and then we would leave. I waited for other an hour, during this time I was sipping on a lot of different cocktails, I then started feeling really dizzy and lightheaded. I figured I'd just cab it home as I was certain Nicky had left.

On the way out though, I bumped into a friend of Nicky's whom she had briefly dated. He asked me If I needed a hand to my car and I explained I was getting a cab. He said he was getting ready to leave and we could share one. I told him okay and we walked out of the club together and into the first cab we saw. I tried to find my phone in my purse but I felt myself getting dizzier and dizzier.

I don't remember what happened next as I blacked out and the next morning I woke up on a hard sofa, my head pounding. When I came to, I realised I was in Nicky's friends house and my phone was sitting on the glass table in front of me, but it was flat.

When he noticed I was awake he offered some tablets and water and explained that I had passed out in the cab and he didn't remember my parents address so he just picked me up and took me back here where he laid me on the sofa. I told him I needed to go home as my fiance would be worried. He called a cab and I left.

When I arrived at my parents house, my mother, father, Nicky, my fiance and his parents were all standing in the living room. I thought they were worried about me but the instant I opened my mouth my fiance asked how could I do this to him? I tried to explain that my phone went flat but he then went on screaming about how could I cheat on him. I was baffled.

Why would he think that? I tried to explain the nights events but I kept getting cut off. Nicky then chimed in and said I was a lying and how could I be so heartless to a man who has been there for me through thick n thin. She went on to say I kept flirting with random guys all night and then when she went to the bathroom, she saw me leave with her friend.

I told her what had happened and she showed me photos on her phone where as we were leaving, his hand was on my back ushering me outside, yes the photo did look horrible and I was so drunk I didn't even realize his hand was on my back at all. My fiance was so angry, he kept shouting and his mum and mine were both crying.

I then asked Nicky to call her friend and he would confirm nothing happened but when she called him, he told a completely different story. He said I begged him to take me back to his and when he did, we slept together multiple times. I saw red and started crying and yelling at Nicky because I knew she had organized this whole thing to make me look bad.

I begged my fiance to believe me, but he just shook his head and left. When everyone had cleared out, my mother slapped me across the face and told me to get out. I left and went to a friends house where I stayed for a few nights. During those nights I called my fiance crying and pleading with him to believe that nothing happened but it all fell on deaf ears as he never returned any of my calls or texts.

My mum texted me and told me she was kicking me out and that she couldn't believe I would do such a thing and a lot of hurtful other slurs I don't think I could repeat here. She didn't even give me time to get my things as she threw everything out. I was now homeless. None of my family would take me in, as they chose my fiance and mother's side.

I was homeless and single in less than a day and a half, my entire world had been taken away because of Nicky's lies. Now for weeks I tried everything to get my fiance back and my family. The limit for me though was when Christmas time had come and I went over to my mother's house to try and reconcile. I was sleeping from couch to couch during this time.

When I got to my parents house, I knocked on the door but no one answered. My friend then called me and told me she just saw on Facebook that my family were in another state celebrating Christmas and they had posted pictures online. Everyone was there, my sisters, parents, grandparents and even my fiance and his family. When I myself saw the photos, I couldn't stop crying as they all looked so happy.

I cried for days and days before deciding to block them all. I even returned my engagement ring. My friend knew someone a couple hours away who was looking for some help in his restaurant and he even had living arrangements above where he worked so I could get rent at a cheap price and work at the same time.

I wanted to start over with my life as it hurt me that no one took my side and they all left me to fend for myself. I was able to move pretty quickly and was doing well, the apartment was tiny and I had to work 10+ hours almost every day, but I was able to save a lot of money. I'm not living in the apartment anymore, I was able to rent a much nicer condo but I am still working at the restaurant as assistant manager.

Now it has been roughly two years since I left and have not spoken to any of my family. I have no idea what is going with them until I got a knock on my door. It was my ex fiance. I was shocked to say the least, all these feelings came rushing back and all I wanted to do was jump into his arms.

But then I remembered the pain I had felt and tried to slam the door in his face but he stopped it and asked that I let him explain. He said that Nicky had gotten married and she had confessed that she lied about the situation because she had found someone she loved so much and realized what a horrible thing she had done.

I asked him how he found me and he said my friend told him. My entire family had been trying to get in touch with me and want to see me. I told him I needed time to see if I even wanted To have them in my life. He left and I have been a mess since. I don't know what to do, I know I will never ever forgive Nicky, she could rot for all I cared.

It's hard because my other family and fiance didn't know she was lying, but I also felt like they abandoned me too quickly without letting me explain my side. I don't know if I should forgive them. Any advice would be much helpful. Thank you for taking the time to read.

The internet had a lot to say in response to OP's quandary.

littledreamyone wrote:

Frankly I do not think I could forgive your ex fiancé or your family for abandoning you so quickly based on an incident that didn’t even occur. It’s all well and good for them to be ‘sorry’ but they didn’t have to completely reinvent themselves on their own the way you did. I wouldn’t be quick to forgive or to forget.

ProzacforLapis2016 wrote:

I'd like to add the ex-fiance could have considered she was taken advantage of and r*ped when she was drunk or dr*gged, and had no consideration as to whether she was assaulted, didn't ask if they should go to the hospital to get a r*pe kit done along with preventative care for STDs or get tested.

I understand emotions can run high, but I bet he knew what kind of person the sister was if he literally helped her through a dr*g addiction and other issues (for clarity, being addicted to dr*gs isn't the problem, but the person that her sister is). There's no way he's not familiar with the type of person she was and what type of friends she might have.

He deserves zero second chances.

Edit: I only mentioned her fiance, but all of this applies to her family as well.

cassowary32 wrote:

I wish someone had advised you to go to a hospital get drug tested and get a r*pe kit after it happened. Nicky’s friend basically confessed to r*ping you - you were black out drunk, there was no way you could have consented. It would have proved you were dr*gged and hopefully shown there was no intercourse.

And if it wasn’t a setup, to think that your sister stood there and took pictures when someone took her drunk sister away? A true friend would have intervened, not recorded it. Anyone with half a brain could have seen from space that this was orchestrated.

She drugged you, left you alone then recorded her friend leading you away. She facilitated your ass*ult! That’s pure evil, she should also be in j@il for that. I’m so sorry this happened to you and unless Nicky apologizes to you herself, I would have nothing to do with your monstrous family. Heck, even then I would leave them all in the past. What they did was unbelievably cruel.

vuribe666 wrote:

I personally don’t think I could ever forgive my family or fiancé if they just threw me away like that. What’s going to happen next time someone gets mad and lies about you? 2 years is such a long time to be alone and it makes me so sad that they couldn’t even hear you out and you had to suffer so much because of your sister. It seems like too little too late.

Eleven days later, OP shared an update.

Wow guys, I don't even know where to begin. I am honestly so grateful for all the support, advice, beautiful messages and awards you guys have gifted. I wish I could personally thank each and everyone of you, and I did try my best to reply to every message.

You guys are honestly so amazing and I cried reading all the comments, my heart has never been so touched with the amount of love and support I got on this post and I am so sorry if it took too long to post an update. I was honestly in so much shock I didn't know how to cope with it.

So uh I never got back to my ex, I didn't know what to do, but eventually he must have given my phone number to my parents as they texted asking to meet up. I never replied and was planning on organising a zoom meeting but didn't need to as they also showed up at my door. Well my father did. When I answered the door and saw him standing there, I ended up throwing up which he insisted on cleaning.

When he was done, we sat down and I just bursted in tears. My emotions were all over the place and my father has worn the same cologne for a really long time, so when I smelt it, it just bought back all these memories. He tried to hug me but I pushed him away and asked what he was doing here. He went on to explain he and my mother are getting a divorce.

He said he begged my mother to get in touch with me the minute I left, but she refused and said I was acting like a baby and if I wanted to leave them after doing something so horrible, then I could do things on my own from then on. I asked him how long did it take them to notice I was gone.

He said they arrived back home after News Years Eve and were planning on inviting me over so we could talk, that's when they got in touch with my friend and she told them I left and she didn't know where I was. I asked him why didn't he listen to my side of the story and why did they throw me away so easily. He just started crying.

He said he never meant for things to get so out of hand and he wishes more than anything he could take it all back. I said when they found out Nicky was taking drugs and had dropped out of HS, they didn't throw her away, instead we all went on a holiday so she could focus on things besides dr*gs, and during that trip, she got hooked on alcohol and each time they defended her over and over.

He said he had no idea my mother was going to kick me out, he thought it was going to be for a few days but then they decided last minute to spend Christmas out of state. My mother apparently promised him I would be allowed back home after they got back. I said she threw away all my stuff but he said everything was still there and she lied about that.

I asked him what has happened to Nicky and he said she is dead to him, he wants nothing to do with her but my mother has been crying to him, asking to forgive Nicky as she is not well and they had already lost one daughter, they cannot lose two. He blocked my mother and Nicky and has been on my ex's case about finding me.

My ex caved in when my dad said he blocked my mother and Nicky and told him where I lived. I asked that he never show up again unless I give him permission and he agreed. He asked what would happen now and I said I really don't know and that he hurt me really bad. I then just went into detail about how much he hurt me and what it felt like seeing them so happy without me and how hard its been.

We were both crying by the end of it but I was really glad I got it all out, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My dad then said he knew a few places around the area and would help get me a better apartment and he said he would help get a better job but I told him I wouldn't be leaving this job as my boss helped me out so much and I wanted to repay him at all costs.

I said I didn't want him to do anything for me, but I said I do want to reconcile but it has to be on my own terms and it is going to take a very very long time to trust him again, and I may never trust him again. He said he would do anything to make up for what he did. I asked him why Nicky did this and if she said anything about it.

Well she said she thought my ex deserved better than me and she wanted to see him happy because he was making too many sacrifices in the relationship, she loved him like a brother and wanted to break the engagement off, so that night she asked her friend to come and escort me out of the club so she could get photos and to take me home so her plan could work, she said nothing s*xual happened.

I went to sleep on the sofa and that was it, he was up playing video games all night until I woke up, which he has proof of apparently. My dad was planning on getting my stuff from my mother;s house and bringing it to me but I told him I didn't want those things anymore.

I then went to ask about Nicky's husband and he said my mother has been hush hush with the entire situation but he had his number and wrote it down for me. After my dad left, I decided to call Nicky's husband. I was sweating the entire time and felt so sick, what if I could hear her in the background?

Well anyhow when he picked up, I just spit everything out, which I deeply regret because I should have eased into it for him, he sounded really confused and I explained the entire situation again. I even went into detail about her dr*g and alcohol problems.

I was honestly expecting him to curse me out and defend Nicky, instead he let out a long sigh and well turns out, he had a feeling she wasn't exactly innocent, turns out her and his sister have been having problems and she has been spouting non stop lies about his sister and has caused a huge rift between them, his sister didn't even attend their wedding.

I told him I was sorry but he should make things right with his sister because Nicky was the problem not her. We spoke a little more and he hung up. I'm not entirely sure what he is going to do with that information, I hope he cuts his loses and leaves her because he sounded like a really nice person and even he has lost his own sister because of Nicky.

So I have decided to reconcile with my dad, My mother has always run the show their entire marriage, so the fact he is putting his foot down and divorcing her and going nc with Nicky shows he is serious about wanting to make amends. I don't think I will ever reconcile with my mother, as she thinks Nicky is a victim also in all this and at this point I don't care to listen to her excuses.

If she reaches out and we talk, I will update the post again. For my ex, I haven't had the time to meet with him and talk, though my dad mentioned he wanted to come with my dad but he told him I would be too overwhelmed if both were there and seeing them separated will help make clear decisions. He also mentioned my ex was arrested for ass*ulting Nicky's friend who lied about the entire situation.

He was being charged but the charges were dropped a few days later.

I will update the post again, when I have have time to speak to my ex. Thank you guys for your being so patient and so caring and just amazing.

The internet had nothing but support for OP.

Corfiz74 wrote:

It's actually very karmic that you may have cost Nicky the relationship with the man she professes to love, after she did the same to you. At least in your case, it was an act of charity - that poor guy definitely deserves better.

Charming_Opening8282 wrote:

I’m glad your dad got in contact with you but just take it slow. It was still a big betrayal. He could have tried finding you sooner etc...but better late than never. I hope you two build on your relationship.

I understand the ex’s reaction and pain but just see what stage are you both in life now.. has he moved on does he have a girlfriend...just talk everything out about how you felt and are feeling etc...just proceed with caution. I hope you do overcome this but just be careful. Honestly cut contact with the mum and sister…never ever let them back in your life. The fact they abandoned you.

Fair enoug, if they chewed you out but they genuinely practically left you for dead no support no nothing. Don’t let them back in your life. It was the worse thing they’ve ever done. I’m still bitter towards the rest of your family too. The fact they never found you or the fact they went away for Christmas personally I couldn’t get over it. I wish you all the best.

Limerence1976 wrote:

Picturing OP knocking on the door on Christmas Day has stuck with me this whole time. Broke my heart, and as a parent, I simply cannot imagine doing it to my child. I’m not sure I’d even forgive dad, but the divorce would definitely help me to do so.

ShelterTraditional60 wrote:

Good for you love, lol I’d just finished rereading your original post.

I’m so glad for you. Good on your dad for leaving her and dropping the dead weight.

As for the ex it’s a little too late as far as I’m concerned, he’s more mad on his behalf than yours now. I'd be interested it see what he’d say about your mum and if his family is still talking to her. I’d be a little worried about your mum and Nicky make sure no one gives them your address or number also ask Nicky’s husband to delete your number from his call log.

That fact that your mum didn’t want her husband to know means you’ve crossed her and means she can go all out because you’ve ‘fired back’ in her mind. Actually have you thought about taking legal action against Nicky? I’d say you’d have a pretty strong case for defamation of character.

OP is clearly doing the right thing by holding onto new, firmer boundaries.