Woman asks if she's wrong to move into hotel until husband cleans house.
An adult human should know how to clean up after themselves. 'Thou shalt clean up thine own mess' is a commandment taught in kindergarten, that hopefully seeps in to someone's consciousness by the time they're married with children.
But that isn't always the case. An angry woman with a messy husband posted on 'Am I The A**hole?', asking, 'AITA for refusing to come home until my house is back to the state I left it in?'
Before taking their daughter to camp, OP prepped the house to help her husband survive a week on his own.
I (36f) had to take my child (11) to camp last week. We left on a Friday and returned home this last Friday. My husband (38m) was not able to get the time off of work so he stayed home. This is not new for us, typically we switch years on which parent take time off to go. This is our last year having to have a parent attend.
Before I left, I cleaned the house, made a few freezer meals (I don't trust him in the kitchen as he can't cook to save his life, not a problem for me) and generally just wanted to make things easier as he was going to pick up a lot of over time while we were gone. No big deal and yes, he normally takes on 50% of the chores. The only thing extra he had to do was water my garden and send a package out for me.
Camp was a blast, and so was her husband's week, apparently.
Well, we went to camp. It was a blast but I was so ready to be home after. When we got home Friday evening, I couldn't believe my eyes. The house was a wreck. I honestly don't know how it got to that level in a week. He hadn't done a single thing while we were gone. My garden hadn't been watered, the package hadn't been sent, the living room and kitchen looked like a hurricane had went threw.
She walked into the house and walked back out.
I was beyond mad and packed our child and I some clean clothes and checked into a hotel. When husband got home. He messaged asking where we were. I told him a hotel and that we were staying until the house was back to how I had left it. He complained saying it wasn't that bad and he needed help to clean half of it because that was our jobs.
I told him I didn't make half the mess so I wasn't cleaning it. It quickly devolved into a huge fight where he thinks I'm the AH for not doing my half of the chores when I got home.
AITA here?
Commenters empathized with OP and declared the husband to the The A**hole.
Kylie754 highlighted the math:
NTA (Not The A**hole).
If you both do 50% of the chores, then how did he trash 100% of the house? In one week?
For him to trash the house in your absence and still expect you to do ‘half’ the work to clean it- major entitlement issues on his part.
And for him to say cleaners are a waste of money- he comes across as someone who thinks domestic duties are beneath him. Can’t cook, won’t clean, won’t pay a cleaner, expects you to clean his mess. He needs to grow up. Weaponized incompetence.
TheObvi0us13 also articulated how much this guy sucks:
NTA - He’s just shown that he views you as a maid and doesn’t respect your home. You’re completely in the right to ask him to make it look presentable.
To not do a couple of jobs you asked or even frantically whip round the night before just so it looks like something has been does is a bit sh*tty.
Stand your ground! If he doesn’t want to do it, does he want to hire a cleaner?
ThrillaTortilla agreed:
Absolutely NTA
You set him up for success. You literally made it as easy as possible for him. All he had to do was pick up after himself and the two tasks you asked of him.
And he failed. Miserably. I don't blame you for leaving. Splitting chores 50/50 only applies when all residents are present and using the house during the time period in question. He was the only one home.
If the roles were reversed would he have cheerily stepped in and helped you? I’m guessing no. Wild guess- this isn’t the first time he’s done something like this but it’s the first time it’s been this blatant.
Hopefully he learns his lesson. If not, since he's clearly a kid, he should go to camp next summer, not as a guardian but as a camper.