We're not cool with fat-shaming, but when you're a thief you lose certain rights.

If someone stole an Amazon package off your doorstep, what would you do? Unless you had a hidden camera installed, like Tim Lake of Phoenix, you'd probably assume it was Amazon's error and get them to send you a replacement. And Amazon would probably comply. It's a victimless crime, assuming you, like us, can't really conceive of a massive, multibillion dollar company as a victim.

But since Lake has a camera that sends him screenshots whenever someone approaches his house (totally normal), he witnessed this woman's attack and hilarious getaway, and he decided to make the awesome flyer above. He didn't really lose much in the theft (some instant coffee cups and an ice cube tray), but as he realizes (on camera, below), he could have used those together to make iced coffee! This is Phoenix in August we're talking about! (Cue tears.) The thief, sadly, remains at large.

Here's the local news coverage of Lake's revenge, so you can witness his sarcastic despondency in action:

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(via Gawker, Slothed)