- I put out before the first date.
Make a memorable first impression.

There’s no better feeling than the rush of relief after sharing a disgraceful secret with a trusted confidant or the entire Internet. At least, that must be what some of our user card creators thought when they posted these confessions. Take a tour through their twisted, depraved minds (and ours!) and feel free to share your own secret shame with your closest friends and the rest of the world in our user card section (now with NEW art). - Sometimes I check your facebook page to see if we're still in a relationship.
Facebook stalking a significant other is a relationship warning sign. - I'm saving myself for the first person who wants to have sex with me.
If your standards are as low as your self-esteem. - I wish cake went straight to my boobs.
Makes sense, that's the first place we would go if we were cake. - I was going to do something today but I haven't finished doing nothing from yesterday.
You have all day tomorrow to do nothing. - I feel lazier than the guy who created the Japanese flag.
One big polka dot? C'mon. - If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
Good reason to continue a depressingly sedentary lifestyle. - I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing you were already in bed with me.
Why call when you can text? - My cable goes out more than I do.
At least you probably have plenty of cats to play with to pass the time until it's back on! - I'll quit smoking the day that my oxygen tank explodes because I was smoking.
Might be able to use the patch if you have any skin left to stick it on.