- If I only had that last drink, I would have passed out long enough to sleep through this terrible hangover.

Sometimes drinking in moderation is problem drinking. - Let's factor my hangover into today's workload

Because yawning while suppressing the urge to vomit is a full-time job. - I'm not drunk, I'm just exhausted from a long night of drinking.

And dry heaving over the toilet. - This is my favorite day of the week to break my feeble vow to never drink again.

Remember: take your stubborn refusal to quit drinking one day at a time. - Thanks for being the only person who didn't feel I needed to hear the awful truth about my behavior last night

Because if you don't remember it, neither should anyone else. - The only good thing about seeing my coworkers on Monday is they're the only people I don't have to apologize to for my weekend behavior.

Start with the disgustingly hungover man in the mirror. - Thanks for always holding my hair back when I vomit

Never be so hungover you forget to thank your enablers. - It's safe to say I regret everything from last night

This should cover it. - Sorry you can't take vacation because you used all your vacation days on hangovers

For someone who drinks like it's their job.