It's tough to imagine a mating ritual more awkward than Tinder, but in the not-so distant past, humanity reached Peak Cringe with "video dating." Instead of swiping through a bunch of photos of dudes with tigers or women's mirror selfies on one's phone, people would watch these reels of dating pitches to meet Hot Singles in their Area. Doing the equivalent of reading their Tinder bios out loud, these dudes look straight into the camera and make their best pitches to potential matches.

"Hi Mom."

Highlights include:

  • "Hi, I'm Maurice. I'm an executive by day and a wild man by night."
  • "Hi, I'm Mike. If you're sitting here watching your video smoking a cigarette, go ahead and press the Fast Forward button, because I don't smoke and I don't like people who do smoke."
  • "I'm looking for the goddess. Are you the goddess? Who's the goddess? A goddess is a woman, the woman, it's all women."
  • "I'm a 25-year subscriber to both Playboy and The New Yorker magazine."
  • "I seek a person that is childlike."

As if the pitch video isn't embarrassing enough, each person got a title card flashing on screen with their most pertinent information.

"Varied interests" means he's deep.

The old video resurfaced a couple of years ago, and frequently goes re-viral. Ellen DeGeneres brought three of the guys onto her show, and two of them were still available. 

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There's nothing like the painfully awkward dating of the past to make you appreciate the painfully awkward dating of the present.