"TIFU by sucking my fiancés penis into the vacuum hose NSFW."
This actually happened quite some time ago.
We were cleaning and he flashed me, I had the vacuum hose out so I threatened him with it. I didn't actually do anything at first, but then I turned the vacuum off and asked him if he'd ever done that. He said no, and we both got curious. I thought that was a thing that guys did, kind of like a rite of passage.
Apparently it's a thing that no guy should do, because the suction doesn't just pull the penis. It pulls the balls as well. Luckily, I had my hand on the 'off' switch just in case. He was in pain for a few minutes, but nothing severe. His junk survived.
As irresistible as it can be to flash a woman holding a phallic-shaped perma-inhaler, hopefully men will learn to keep it in their pants in this hyper specific situation.