A Brooklyn woman who has recently been wrung through the NYC dating cycle just wrote a very convincing closing argument as to why no one should ever date a corporate lawyer. In addition to selling off his parting gift on Craigslist, she wrote a ten paragraph treatise that is one part poetry to five parts airing dirty laundry.
Never date a corporate lawyer. Here's how it goes. You match him on Tinder and give him a chance even though he ghosted you after one date. You never get an explanation for this beyond "I was looking for something specific," which sounds like another lawyer or some Woody Allenesque waif-bot, but most Brooklyn dudes want that, so fuck it. He has nice hair. He apologizes, claims to hate True Detective, and laughs at all your jokes.
He's kind. Not like other corporate lawyers, you tell your friends, who smile painfully. He wants to leave Wappen & Kladden! He has values! He's sensitive! You've never been happier, and he says he's never been happier, and for the first time, you know you're in love.
After that introduction, it is a tale as old as time: boy meets girl. Boy says he wants to be monogamous then suddenly realizes he is a man-child with a butt load of cash and no idea what he really wants. Girl stands off to the side for the whole thing, bewildered.