Spreading gossip's as super fun as it is morally reprehensible. Luckily for you, you gossip fiend, the good people of Reddit are sharing the weirdest rumors about themselves that they've ever had the misfortune of hearing. So they're spreading gossip, but only to discredit it.
So lean back, kick up, and enjoy the hottest goss that can't actually do any damage. We're mostly just including the fun stories, but rest assured, some gossip is genuinely hurtful—you'd only have to read the rest of the thread to understand why spreading a gay rumor makes you the worst person on the planet.
1. Sofa_King_Cliche had an affair with his own wife.
I joined my wife's workplace about 12 months after she joined. When we worked together (same department, same roles), we'd keep mostly away from each other so not to crowd each other. When we'd take breaks, we'd be hanging out together. You know, normal stuff.
Thing is, no one picked up on the fact that we were husband and wife. They knew she was married, and that I was married - but not to each other.
Someone saw us holding hands on the walk back to our car after work, someone else saw us kiss when I dropped her in to work when I had the day off, and rumours started flying around that we were cheating on our significant others.
People took it upon themselves to 'intervene' and approached me to tell me she was married and that I should be ashamed of myself. Someone else made a comment to her that she should be more discreet if she was going to continue on her relationship with me.
Truth be told, we both found it pretty fucking funny. Didn't get a chance to run with it, because we were so taken aback by it when it was brought up to us individually, that we just blurted out the truth on the spot.
TL;DR - My wife and I were rumoured to be having a workplace affair with each other.
2. Cheeto dust made Iwishiwassober internet famous.
3. How was I_am_just_a_number so cool with this?
4. I6uuaq is the secret Reddit name for POTUS.
5. Has anyone checked IAMABaguetteAMA for warts?
6. DisDamage was an energetic 6-year-old.
7. Well we all now why this was a lie, IngrownPubez.
8. Msbrooklyn is smart.
9. The kids at Jainist's school are really smart.
10. This guy must be ripped.
11. Here's a sad gossip prophecy from mowertier.
12. BaudelairesFlower thinks niet.
13. Appearances matter, A_Gaggle_of_Nuns.
14. This one's a doozy, but remember that no cats were harmed in the making of VanDerSingh's gossip.
Where I used to live there was always a bunch of stray cats hanging around by my street, there were two ways to get to my school, one was straight past my house and the sight of stray cats roaming the area.
I'd just come back to school after the Christmas holidays and my first class was drama. Nothing out of the ordinary, chatted with everyone about what they did over Christmas. In this particular class I hung out with two of my closest friends. Friend A, the first time I'd seen him since Christmas comes over to me and says;
"How's it going? I heard you shagged one of those cats on Christmas day as a little present".
He laughs to himself. I was caught completely off guard, "I simple hello would've been nice, mate" I thought.
"Nah I'm only joking" he says.
I think "Well that was a bit unexpected" and we carry on as normal, it was just a bit of banter, what's the harm? Well, after class, friend B comes over and says;
"Yeah, I'm spreading that."
"What?" I chuckle a little confused.
"Just so you know, and don't go around school starting fights with people over who spread it, it's gonna be me."
I laugh and shrug it off, the thing is completely bizarre in my mind. Anyway, it's the end of the school day and I head home, forgetting all about the rough and tumble I have supposedly had with a street cat.
I walk in to school the next morning and notice a few people looking me, I think nothing of it and continue on to registration. To get to registration I had to walk past the head of year's office, she's standing outside, I say hello as I usually do, she looks at me, shakes her head and replies;
"You dirty bastard" and grins to herself.
"Wait, what?" I think, but I'm going to be late to registration and to speed the fuck up. I continue on, but I'm completely mystified as to why she said that.
I get to registration and open the door. There's a long pause as everyone stares at me. THEN THEY ALL FUCKING MEOWED AT ME. Here ensues a mountain of sexual scenarios with me and cats that I'm being accused of it, funny as fuck for everyone else, but Jesus Chris it was brutal for me.
I see friend B later on and confront him. He seems totally amazed at how quick the rumour spread.
"How many people did you fucking tell?" I say.
"Just the one" he laughs.
Turns out the person he told was my business teacher, the self proclaimed lord of banter, the arch bishop of banterbury. He had told everyone including other teachers in the staff room who had a good laugh and giggle about it over coffee, the bastards.
"It'll settle down at some point" I prayed. No, things were about to get worse.
For my business class, in order to pass the final module we had to do mock interviews with teachers who would then grade us on our performance as an interviewee . This was important, as to get an overall pass for the class, I had to ace this module. I'm prepared, I've been going over it for weeks. My teacher, lord banter, comes up to me with a massive piece of cardboard and says;
"Write your full name on that and present it in the Interview, state your name verbally as you walk in as well, the session's going to be recorded so I can go over it later on and grade you. We're doing it for everyone, remember state your full name". Me and simple mind, I do as he says, I writes my full name in block capital letters all ready the interview.
I get called up to be interviewed, cardboard in hand. I enter the room and lord banter is there as I expected, he's the one interviewing me, of course he's going to be there, but guess who else was also there? FRIEND FUCKING B HOLDING A CAMCORDER.
"Hold up the cardboard and state your full name please" says lord banter.
I do as he says, in shock. Friend B has a massive grin across his face. For the interview, we had to choose what field of work we wanted to be interviewed for, I chose public services and studied anything public service related for the Interview. Lord banter looks at me and says;
"So, tell me, why do you want to work for the animal protection agency?"
"Wait, that's not the field I chose" I thought. It hit me like a tone of bricks, the archbishop of banterbury was going to ask me about fictional sexcapades with felines as friend B filmed the entire fucking thing.
"I've been looking over your CV and it says you have a particular interest in felines, why is that? Do you prefer cats over other animals? Was there an incident as child that sparked your fascination with felines? You seem like the type of cat lover that enjoys the odd ginger, I can tell, you like the ginger ones don't you?".
Friend B was shaking with laughter trying to steady the camcorder, in any other situation I would've told lord banter to go fuck himself and that would've been the end of it, but I needed to pass this interview to pass the module otherwise I failed overall. I bit the bullet and answered his questions in graphic detail as friend B filmed the whole thing.
The deed was done, the interview was over and I was mortified. Lord banter laughs and says;
"No, come on, we've had our fun, lets do it properly now".
We start the interview again, this time with my chosen field and everything went well. We get out of the room and I say quite optimistically;
"I thought you were being serious the first time around, did you just film over the first one, was it even recorded?" I laugh.
Deadly serious, lord banter replies;
"Oh no we filmed the whole thing, I'm going to play at your leavers assembly on your last day of school" he walks off with friend B as they laugh to themselves. My heart fell on its arse. My stomach felt like it shat itself.
Anyway he never ended up showing the footage, but to this day he claims he still has the tape, 8 years on. From that day forth I was forever known as 'The Cat Shagger'
Oh and I forgot, there was a pub at the end of my road, guess what it was called? THE CAT. So every time people went to and from school they would forever remember. FUCK.
Friend accused me of molesting a cat. Other friend tells teacher, teacher tells everyone he can. Said teacher then films me forcing to describe in detail what I did to this poor feline.