In a letter written to The Mirror's advice columnist that will surely have people playing their tiny violins in sympathy, one 31-year-old complained about the enormous size of his dick.

"My problem is a big one," the anonymous man kicked off his letter to Coleen Nolan, "It’s most men’s dream to have a big penis, but for me it’s a nightmare." 

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Are you crying yet?

"Thinking back,"  he continued, "I always knew it wasn’t average from when the older lads used to comment on it when in the showers after sport. It even got its own nickname."

For some reason, this guy does not reveal the nickname of his giant penis. Readers will be forced to come up with their own. And sadly, the punny letter turns into a bit of downer here.  

"Great you would think, eh? Well, no, because I’m still a virgin at 31," the man wrote. "The closest a woman gets is putting a hand on it and once an escort lady refunded my money and left."

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