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I'm supporting the New Orleans economy by maxing out my credit cards in a prolonged blackout

Your Fat Tuesday is Charlie Sheen's Tuesday

I'm having my own Mardi Gras celebration without the parades, beads, costumes, or people

This Mardi Gras, enjoy surrounding yourself with people even less coherent than Gaddafi

Sorry no one wanted to see your tits at Mardi Gras

Be sure to enjoy the trademark beverage of New Orleans named for the deadly storm surges that frequently decimate the city

You must be excited for the one day of the year when your behavior makes sense

If you can't make it to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, please feel free to reveal your breasts right here

May this be the year we stop seeing New Orleans as a mismanaged natural disaster and return to identifying it with half-naked, ungodly, man-made devastation

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