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    A great way to avoid Memorial Day weekend traffic is to avoid leaving the house on Memorial Day weekend.

    A great way to avoid Memorial Day weekend traffic is to avoid leaving the house on Memorial Day weekend.

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    The biggest honor I can bestow upon America this Memorial Day is not taking my shirt off.

    The biggest honor I can bestow upon America this Memorial Day is not taking my shirt off.

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    I'm concerned that chilly Memorial Day conditions may impede you from wearing a bikini.

    I'm concerned that chilly Memorial Day conditions may impede you from wearing a bikini

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    I can't wait to spend Monday doing nothing on a beach instead of doing nothing at work.

    I can't wait to spend Monday doing nothing on a beach instead of doing nothing at work.

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    At least being in a car in standstill traffic on Memorial Day meant you didn't get sunburned on the nicest day of the weekend.

    At least being in a car in standstill traffic on Memorial Day meant you didn't get sunburned on the nicest day of the weekend.

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    Let's spend Memorial Day weekend damaging our bodies enough to ensure the military never wants us.

    Let's spend Memorial Day weekend damaging our bodies enough to ensure the military never wants us

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    This Memorial Day weekend, I'd rather someone share their Netflix password with me than their beach house.

    This Memorial Day weekend, I'd rather someone share their Netflix password with me than their beach house.

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    I will be solemnly honoring our military this weekend because no one invited me anywhere fun.

    I will be solemnly honoring our military this weekend because no one invited me anywhere fun

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    I hope bad weather doesn't ruin the Memorial Day plans I didn't make.

    I hope bad weather doesn't ruin the Memorial Day plans I didn't make.

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    Happy Memorial Day to someone who still complains about how much it hurts to get shot by a paintball gun.

    Happy Memorial Day to someone who still complains about how much it hurts to get shot by a paintball gun

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    I can think of no better way to honor our fallen Civil War Union soldiers than by reminding Confederate flag-wavers that our current president is black.

    I can think of no better way to honor our fallen Civil War Union soldiers than by reminding Confederate flag-wavers that our current president is black

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    Happy Memorial Day to someone who would stab himself in the leg to avoid military service.

    Happy Memorial Day to someone who would stab himself in the leg to avoid military service

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    My Memorial Day weekend will be a vacation from listening to your plans for Memorial Day weekend.

    My Memorial Day weekend will be a vacation from listening to your plans for Memorial Day weekend.

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    I'd be more excited about getting away for Memorial Day if I wasn't going with the people I need to get away from.

    I'd be more excited about getting away for Memorial Day if I wasn't going with the people I need to get away from.

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    The only traffic I plan to encounter this Memorial Day weekend is on the Internet.

    The only traffic I plan to encounter this Memorial Day weekend is on the Internet.

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    This Memorial Day, let's try not to open fire on hostile drivers.

    This Memorial Day, let's try not to open fire on hostile drivers

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    Happy Memorial Day to a veteran of reckless beach drinking.

    Happy Memorial Day to a veteran of reckless beach drinking.

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    Let's commemorate our departed WWII veterans by eating German frankfurters and Italian sausages.

    Let's commemorate our departed WWII veterans by eating German frankfurters and Italian sausages

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    This Memorial Day may you honor the bravery of our soldiers by summoning the courage to get in the pool without a t-shirt on.

    This Memorial Day may you honor the bravery of our soldiers by summoning the courage to get in the pool without a t-shirt on.

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    Let's kick off summer with a holiday weekend that isn't warm enough for summer activities.

    Let's kick off summer with a holiday weekend that isn't warm enough for summer activities.

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